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deviantART

 
About Me Member General Digital Photographer diamondscanFemale/Switzerland Recent Activity Deviant for 5 Years
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Devious Info

  • Current Residence: Switzerland
  • deviantWEAR sizing preference: Who the heck would buy me that?
  • Print preference: The bigger the better?
  • Interests: Sleep mainly.
  • Favourite movie: Zachariah, Spinal Tap, The Princess Bride
  • Favourite band or musician: Self
  • Favourite genre of music: Uhhh, alternative pop rock? That sounds stupid.
  • Favourite artist: I hate them all for being successful.
  • Favourite poet or writer: I don't read enough.
  • Favourite photographer: Canon Corp
  • Favourite style of art: Basic
  • Operating System: Leopard and XP
  • MP3 player of choice: Apple ipods always break. ALWAYS.
  • Shell of choice: Cracked
  • Wallpaper of choice: auto=rotate
  • Skin of choice: zest
  • Favourite game: Secret of Mana
  • Favourite gaming platform: snes!
  • Favourite cartoon character: Purim was badass.
  • Personal Quote: "You walked in and the whole supply of holy water turned to steam!"
  • Tools of the Trade: Canon 1dmkiin, photoshop, leica clux1, charcoal, markers, pencil

Ich vermisse ihn. Jetzt, ich warte.

Tue Jul 14, 2009, 10:00 PM
It's only been about 4 days since I've seen Kay and I already miss him horribly. I loathe not knowing when I'll see him again. How long it will be. I hate that there is a very small window to talk to him with the time difference and sometimes I miss it.

I feel abnormally paranoid about death right now too. I don't know exactly what it is, but I'm very afraid. I had health insurance in Switzerland and I will have it again when I go back, but right now in the States I am not covered. This sort of freaks me out, because it's the first time in my life I have not been covered. I feel like my back isn't covered, which is true. So every time I drive a car or go somewhere, I'm a little afraid that I could end up breaking an arm, getting into an accident, or something horrible that wouldn't be covered by anyone but my Visa card. Even laying in my bed in the morning I think about how I could slip in the house and break something, or get sick and need a doctor. I'm paranoid about every little thing. I try to push it out of my mind, but I just feel extra insecure.

Of course I feel insecure being without Kay, but having him go makes me extra concerned about him also. Suddenly I'm worried his plane will crash. Maybe the one across the ocean, maybe the ones he will have to fly to business trips. Maybe something would happen when he's parachuting. His chute wouldn't fire, or his reserve would accidentally go out too and the two chutes would circle around and spin him fast as he plummeted to the ground while he had no knife to cut the main chute free. My mind wanders aimlessly, wondering how anyone would even contact me about him. How would I know if something terrible happened to him? I feel like when he's so far away that things are more likely to happen... like if I were there in the country I would see him every day as reassurance. Him being so far away, it just makes me realize to even more certainty how important he is to me.

The other day I was watching tv and some character on tv mentioned being alive for 25,000 days, and that you only die on one of those days and you should be happy to be alive on all the others. It made me think even more about my mortality. I realize I am thinking about death too much right now, but it makes me remember how my days are numbered. No one has forever, and I realize I am sad to be without Kay right now. I told him this and he said it made him sad too, to not have me during this time. I don't want to look back later and wish I could have just had a little bit more time with him. It sounds selfish, but I want all of him and I want him now.

Not only thinking about the untimely deaths of Kay and myself, I seem to be worried about things happening to my family too. Not even my parents, but my siblings. For some reason, I find myself being extremely worried when they go out of the house. If a brother is at a friend's house, I worry that a car could have hit him on his way home. Right now there is a brother white water rafting. I'm worried he would fall out of the raft and hit his head or drown. It would be terrible. I imagine the terrifying grief that would accompany this awful news and how low I would feel. There is no reason why I should be making myself try to understand the grief process for losing a sibling prematurely when they are all fine, but I can't help worrying about the safety of all of them. I just love them so much, I want all of us to have long, healthy, full lives.

I enjoy life so much, I am afraid of something going wrong. Almost like I am enjoying it too much.

  • Mood: Worried
  • Listening to: Yael Naim, No Doubt
  • Reading: Twilight
  • Watching: Conan
  • Playing: iPhone games
  • Eating: Waffles
  • Drinking: Milch

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Comments


Yes. Life! indeed. Life is good at the mo, moved in to a new appartment with han! As it seems you are doing aswell.

Not with han... but still moving.

Whats the skinny missy?

:hug:

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Gleeeee!
I'm in Switzerland now, falling madly in love with my Swiss man Kay and living with a family as an au pair while taking German classes. (I hope I become fluent sooome day) Things are busy but good! I'll be here for a year before the Swiss try to boot me out unless I find another work visa. :)

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:santa: :rudolph:
I truly am the reindeer girl.
Shameless ploy: devprints
I have missed so much of your life.

Sucks.

*Begins reading Kato's backlog of journals....



Love to your mother.

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Gleeeee!
OMG Katie...been a loooooong time. I thought about you last night...while watching the daily show. I was wishing PB was still up...I'd love to hear what all of ya'll think of the "election"...especially Delan.

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I do conform to the ideal of non-conformity.
Light a fire for a man and he's warm for a night. Light a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
Haha, he is probably really cynical about it. :P I'd love to hear what he thinks too.

I'm voting Obama all the way. I'm really ready for all the madness to be over... and God I hope Ohio is a blue state this year. It's really gonna be strange to find out what the results are! (kind of terrifying)

I hope you're doing well! Where are you along in school now?

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:santa: :rudolph:
I truly am the reindeer girl.
Shameless ploy: devprints
Thank you for the favourite on "Snorkling For Babies" :)


MY NAME IS KATIE TOO D:

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My Portfolio
Katie Franke
Traditional Art Gallery Moderator
ur never online!


i just wanted to say: i hope saila dies and burns in hell NOW!


oh wait, hell is metal, and she sucks. so nevermind.

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[ WriteNothing.com ] + [dA] + [ flickr ]
*Deviant-Underground ~critiqueme
hi katie thank you :)
I'm slowly becoming obsessed with this place...damn. :XD:

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~~~ :snowflake:
You ever been so alone you spent the night talking to a man in a coma?
~~~:blackrose:
You are no longer 22 change it back... As it became apparent that you deserve to be that age with your prevalent sillyness...

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....You are a bundle of cells who are oblivious to the fact that they are members of the same body....

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